


He Writes Songs About Me

by aesthetic_boy



Category: Panic! at the Disco
Genre: M/M, Ryden, Spallon - Freeform, dallon and spencer are minor characters, me too spence, spencer is lowkey salty, they have another fic which i'll link to
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-07
Updated: 2017-04-07
Packaged: 2018-10-16 00:38:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 934
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10560438
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aesthetic_boy/pseuds/aesthetic_boy
Summary: Three years after the Panic! split and Ryan is still in love with Brendon.Not like anything is going to happen, though.(written in free verse)





	

**Author's Note:**

> i wrote this at 6am and i'm typing it up now, no idea if it's good or not. i haven't written in a long time, but then i dreamed this idea... it includes a tiny bit of spallon, just because i think it's underrated. i've uploaded dallon and spencer's relationship backstory, so check my profile for that (massive spon)

He writes songs about me;  
I know which ones.  
Hearing the changed pronouns, I think  
That's how we used to do it.  
But these aren't the stories of love going right,  
The hope for a future,  
No, these are the breakup songs.  
I wonder, what do his new friends think?  
Do they know who he writes for?  
Do they wonder why he writes such sad songs,  
When everything in his life is going right?

Spencer knows-  
He knows everything.  
He's the one I cried on. he stayed, though-  
Playing music with him and the bassist  
Spencer tells me is cute and whoever  
They got to replace me.  
_I miss him,_ I tell Spencer.  
_He misses you too,_ he replies. _I say this every time._  
_It's been three years. He'll be over me._  
_You're not over him._  
And it's the truth, but I wish it wasn't.

If we'd been a straight couple, this would never have happened;  
No worry over what his parents would say,  
Or that we would just become 'that gay band'.  
We could hold hands, walk through  
The middle of the street, without caring.  
But we weren't, so we hid it-  
Behind 'girlfriends' who were just girl friends,  
Kisses that we said were stage.  
In reality, they were kisses that followed us off stage  
And into bed, hidden away  
From a world that said I couldn't love him.

The irony is, when he said we needed to talk,  
I thought he was going to propose.  
We were looking at moving in together-  
I had no doubts that we were forever.  
_I love you, Ryan Ross, but... not right now._  
_I can't do this any more. i'm sorry._  
Five years, and that was how it ended-  
A dusty parking lot in cape town.  
The next day, he asked for me back- I told him no.

I make terrible decisions.  
My haircut in high school, anything to do with him,  
or right now, as I sip a beer and type out  
Another text I'll never send.  
_I still love you._  
Maybe it's the alcohol, or a moment of sheer idiocy  
but I hit send.  
I wonder if he changed his number.  
I hope he did.  
Dottie climbs onto the couch next to me.  
If all else fails, i have my dog.

Somebody knocks at the door, and I hope  
That it's him, but I know it isn't.  
I answer the door and Spencer stands there-  
_Why the hell did you send him that text?_  
_You were fast._  
_We were at practice. He thinks you're screwing him around._  
He pauses, sighing.  
_What shall I tell him?_  
_The truth is that it's true._  
_You're saying that like you want me to lie._  
_No, i'm saying that like if you think it would be better to lie, then do it._

He goes, and I ponder over how many screw-ups this is.  
Alcohol, him and trusting Spencer with my life.  
Not that i wouldn't, but  
I had the chance to just look after it myself.  
Someone else is there now.  
My heart races, and I open the door-  
It's him, biting his lip and smiling at me.  
I crave contact; I pull him into a hug.  
Hear his laughter, feel his hands gripping my sweater.  
We pull apart and our eyes lock.  
He kisses me, and Fourth of July fireworks have nothing on this.

We end up in bed together, of course-  
And I still remember everything of him, and him of me;  
I can tell by how his hands run over me,  
Not like he's memorising me,  
More like he's reminding himself.  
Afterwards he gets up, starts to dress.  
_Your girlfriend?_ I guess. I can imagine his guilt.  
_No, we broke up. It's the dogs I'm worried about,_ he responds.  
I smile. He's the only one that can make me smile like this.  
_We can make it work,_ he tells me. _Spencer and Dallon have._  
_Who the hell is Dallon?_ I ask, but he's gone.

I text Spencer. _Brendon mentioned you and him,_ I add.  
_Remember the cute bassist I mentioned?_  
_You're screwing him?_  
_A little more than that. We live together._  
I wonder why he didn't tell me, then remember.  
After the breakup, it all hurt.  
Seeing other people was like a punch-  
It reminded me of what i used to have.  
He probably thought he was protecting me.  
_That's good,_ I text back. _I'm happy for you._  
_I'm happy for whatever you and b are doing._

Two years later, and i wake up at 3 p.m.  
I can hear Brendon talking-  
Probably a livestream.  
I get up to have a late breakfast,  
Catching sight of Brendon in the other room.  
While making food, I drop a pan and swear loudly.  
Brendon laughs, and I knew this day would be soon,  
But not today. There's no way he can avoid the question.  
_That? Was my... well, as of yesterday, my fiancé._  
_C'mon,_ he calls me in.  
I sigh, grab a cereal bar and walk in.

The moment I sit down beside him, I can see the comments.  
Most people recognise me.  
_We broke them,_ he grins, then leans over and kisses me.  
I kiss him back for a second.  
We pull apart and read the screen.  
_I would have done my hair if i knew this was going to happen._  
_Do you straighten your hair because you can't be straight?_ he reads off.  
_No, I just hate it. I'm going to have my food._  
He nods and I go back to my room- our room-  
And smile to myself, a proper smile.  
We did it.


End file.
